A sexual assault survivor, who was the first speaker at Wednesday evening’s “Take Back the Night,” said the hardest day of their life was not when they were assaulted – it was the day after. 

“When I had to call my mom and tell her how her [child lost their] virginity and tell my therapist what had happened because I knew if I didn’t, I would have ended my life that night before the cops got the chance to stop me,” the survivor said.

This was the student’s second year speaking at “Take Back the Night,” an annual event dedicated to providing a safe space for students to share stories of sexual violence.

The two-hour event held at the Marshall Student Center Amphitheater featured keynote speakers to open the discussion, a speak-out portion for the audience, a silent march and an acapella performance. 

Hosted by USF’s Center for Victim Advocacy and Violence Prevention (CVAVP) department, the event is part of a larger global initiative dating back to the 1970s. It has been held at USF every April since 2007 to honor Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month.

Related: Sexual violence survivors speak out at ‘Take Back the Night’

As survivors talked through their vulnerable stories, they continuously offered sentiments to help others who may have felt similarly. “I said it now and I’m okay,” a student said while holding their first up. “It’s all valid and it should all be heard,” another student assured.

A healing and natural silence engulfed the Amphitheater between each speaker, giving those in attendance time to reflect on the stories being shared.

Once speakers finished talking, staff handed them roses and care packages with journals, pens, face masks, fidgets, resources and information about USF services.

Joni Bernbaum, director of CVAVP, said the public nature of holding the event in the amphitheater helps survivors reclaim these areas as safe zones and emphasizes their right to safety – especially after dark.

“By hosting these events in visible, communal areas, they bring the conversation directly to the community, highlighting that discussing and addressing sexual violence should not be shrouded in secrecy or shame,” Bernbaum said.

One student walked on stage after stating they sat in the audience with their heart pounding. 

They took the mic off the podium and paced the stage while speaking, offering their perspective on how heavy sexual violence can weigh on a survivor.

“It changes the way that we perceive things, how we love, how we see people, how we interact, how we feel with ourselves,” they said. “It’s kind of great that it gets better.”

Coming up to share their story, one survivor said they didn’t plan on attending the event on Wednesday night. Instead, it was a spur of the moment decision. 

The student talked about how they were sexually assaulted by their sibling from ages 8 through 10. For years, they said they didn’t understand the “gravity” of what had occurred. 

“I’m 1,500 miles away from home so I’m far from it,” they said. “And I’ve adjusted but every time I go home, I’m still surrounded by it. Family holidays, family vacations, driving around my hometown, stories of the past… they’re all changed.”

The survivor said it’s been a year since they told their parents about the assault. They shared reassurance to others who might’ve gone through a similar experience with family members. 

“You’re not alone and it gets easier,” they said. “Navigating the family part of it can be hard, but it’s possible and you guys got it.”

Bernbaum said the event is particularly crucial on a college campus, where students are at a higher risk for sexual violence. The event helps educate attendees, normalize talking about the issues, encourage others to seek support and galvanize the campus community. 

Related: Center for Victim Advocacy and Violence Prevention highlights resources for survivors of sexual violence

One survivor had non consensual sex during their first semester at USF. They said the pain they felt after was hard to define.

“It was one of the most heartbreaking moments because I felt like a totally different person,” they said. “I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for months.”

Through this moment, some of the people the survivor felt closest to left them to navigate their pain alone.

“One of the persons that I told who was supposed to be one of my closest friends said that it was my fault and I shouldn’t have been in that room anyway,” they said. “Which broke me because I’ve known that person for six years.”

The first speaker of the night recalled one year ago when they had just quit from the job they shared with their assailant. Now, the survivor said they have a new job that they love. 

“Recovery isn’t easy, but it happens,” they said. “So here’s an F.U. to the person that blew out my flame.” 

Editor’s note: The Oracle received permission from the speakers to include their stories. For privacy reasons, The Oracle refrained from providing names of those who requested to remain anonymous.