The new Billie Eilish Converse, the viral TikTok lip tint and a new Beach House Vinyl.

No, this is not my wish list. Instead, you’re looking at my bank statement. 

Like a drug, I get a severe rush of dopamine when I feel the buzz of my apple pay going through on a fun purchase. I felt the stress of my day exit as quickly as the cashier said “cash or card?” 

From sweet treats to new TikTok fads, I began throwing my money around like it grew on trees. 

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But it wasn’t until I checked my bank account, that I realized I had blown through almost as 

much as my car insurance in one trip to the mall. This price tag may be a walk in the park for someone like Taylor Swift, but it surely isn’t for someone like me, a college student. 

That’s when I realized I needed to stick to my mantra of being a “baddie on a budget” and actually put the card down.

I thought retail therapy was a term that was only used by Facebook moms and millennials. But little did I know I had fallen victim to this mindless habit.

If I am being honest, sophomore year has been nothing but a rollercoaster. For starters, my daily life has been swamped with homework assignments, mindless work shifts and intense internship work. 

This fall semester has been insane to say the very least. I began to use shopping as an outlet to help manage the stress of it all.

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It began casually when I began buying shirts off Etsy. I was stoked when I would randomly come home to find a package delivered to me.

It was like my own gifting system. But it became extreme when I would say “I’ve worked hard, I deserve this,” at least five times a day.

That’s when I found how easy it was to double click and activate apple pay on Etsy, Amazon and shopping sites alike. The worst part is the excitement was lost after I used the item.

After I opened the makeup or wore the shirt, I was instantly bored. Once the newness factor was gone, I was on Amazon looking for my next purchase.

Minimalism got thrown out the window when I saw how many of the same shades of lipgloss I had amassed, the same purple shade across multiple brands. 

It became so bad that I found myself picking up extra shifts at work to match my shopping addiction.

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The simple answer to my shopping addiction was the fact that I lacked confidence in myself. My fun purchases became the way I would validate my self worth and the work I’ve put in. 

But this validation didn’t have to be the money I spent, but could simply be the time I give to myself. 

It’s the basic understanding that I’ve worked hard and I deserve a break.

The best purchase is one that doesn’t require any money at all and that is the time you make for yourself.

That time is simply priceless.